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I mean, not every white guy has a “David Duke cock” right? I had to constantly be on guard, preparing myself for their racist comments. I knew there would be a point where I’d have to talk about why I could say n***** and they couldn’t.I knew there’d be a conversation about Black on Black crime. Kevin entered my life at a particularly vulnerable point. He’d been sick for over a decade with cancer and I spent that entire time blocking out everyone.I could have been arrested or killed for carrying something like that, regardless of what I planned to do with it — unlike them.They wouldn’t face any consequences for bringing weapons into a restaurant; after all, they were white and the restaurant was mostly white.I can see now that, this early in my relationship with Kevin and my own personal development, I was still in a lot of denial about what racism is and how it manifests.Ironically, choosing to stay with Kevin after I realized he wasn’t immune to racism, and later choosing to marry him, helped me sort that out.We live in Atlanta, where multi-racial, multi-ethnic options are everywhere, yet when we socialized with his friends I was required to visit all-white neighborhoods, businesses, and events.Many of his friends lived in “white flight” zones, suburban areas where white people moved to avoid the “downfall” of urban areas.
I only had one friend who carried a gun, and nobody carried knives. When I pointed out that they were all carrying weapons, they laughed — didn’t I know the knives were just for opening boxes?
But it didn’t negate the fact that Kevin is white — and not just white, white.