Giving an ultimatum dating

01-Oct-2018 21:45

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When you say, “If you don’t stop drinking, I’m out of here!,” you’re really saying, “Please change so I don’t have to think about leaving.If he hasn’t done that up until now, why the hell would he ever meet your needs after being backed into a corner? You’re basically saying, “The ball’s in your court now” and letting him decide your fate. If you give your boyfriend an ultimatum and he goes through with it, there’s definitely going to be some resentment left afterward — and not just from him.You might worry that he’ll just slip back to his previous behavior and then what?

Ultimatums create doubts, resentment, and unhappiness. You’re acting like a mother nagging a teenager to pick up his dirty laundry.If you find yourself on this edge, ask yourself: is this the relationship that you want to be in? All that said, delivering an ultimatum is also sometimes just a way to get out of making a decision about the relationship.If so, is this the type of work you are willing to do to maintain it? If you're unhappy and unsure about the future of your union, decide first whether it's truly something you can't live with and don't see changing, or whether it's worth trying to fix.People can recognize the need, benefits, and reasons to change. If it's worth it, then start working to fix things—but this is a process best approached as a team, not a challenge thrown at your partner with a condition "or else" attached.

On the Soapbox Abraham Lloyd is a divorced dad, closet geek, and aspiring author dating in New York City.

So when these aspects of our life aren't being met, why not say "You know, this is so important to me that you need to do this—or else"?

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